Repentance and Restoration of Relationships

Many think the word repent means "to get your act together", but repentance requires taking in a whole new point of view; looking at it God's way. God simply asks us to turn. This is the way we accept His gift. When we do, certain outcomes are promised. If we don't, or we "turn back", alternate outcomes are promised.  Following is an article about how repentance allows for reconciliation in our relationships.

1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Luke 18:10-14
“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

How to Restore Relationships through Repentance and Reconciliation

In a world where broken relationships abound, it’s good to know there is hope for reconciliation.  Relationships can be mended, but it takes a firm determination to take responsibility for one’s own faults and errors, and for making it right with the one who was hurt.  This is a difficult process, requiring putting away pride, thorough repentance, and reparation, along with the willingness of the other to forgive.  But reconciliation can absolutely be achieved in most cases.

1.  Repentance defined
The first thing needed for reconciliation is a thorough understanding of repentance.  Dictionary.com gives this definition for repentance:  “1. deep sorrow, compunction or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like; 2. regret for any past action.”  While this is a good start, and repentance cannot come without it, this is really only the beginning of repentance.  

2.  Repentance understood
Repentance does start with regret or contrition, but it doesn’t end there.  Many people misunderstand repentance and don’t understand when others don’t accept their repentance as real.  Repentance actually means to turn and go the other way.  If you hurt someone, repent, and then hurt them again in the same way, repentance did not really happen.  Real repentance brings with it a radical change.  Real repentance is visible to others.  Real repentance says, “I understand what I did, why it hurt you and how deeply it hurt you.  I regret my action so much, that I will do whatever it takes to keep from doing it again.  I grieve over my actions so much, that I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you and mend our relationship.”  Repentance is a pricked conscience that makes a radical decision to turn from the harmful actions or inactions and toward helpful, healing actions.

3.  Repentance in action:  Reparation and Accountability
This is the key step to reconciliation.  Repentance is not saying “I’m sorry,” it’s showing “I’m sorry.”  Since you cannot rewind, you must go on, and to rebuild that relationship to the point of reconciliation will take repentance in action on your part.  For example, if you cheated on a spouse, you will need to make yourself 100% accountable to him or her for your time for quite some time to come.  You will need to re-woo the person and work toward fixing the things that lead to this in the first place, including being open and honest.  You will understand when the spouse is angry and hurt and doesn’t just jump back in your lap because you said you were sorry.  In other words, you will fully acknowledge what you did wrong, you will allow the other person to grieve, question, cry, or whatever they need without pointing out other problems or making excuses for yourself.  You will do whatever it takes to rebuild trust with this person, so much so that the spouse will have confidence that he or she will never have this happen again.  Yes, there is hope after adultery, but only when pride goes out the window and true repentance in action happens.

4.  Repentance brings forgiveness brings Reconciliation
Reconciliation implies a full restoration of the relationship.  Often, a relationship that has survived brokenness and found restoration is better than the relationship before this happened.  We also need to give the other person time to process, grieve, and forgive.  Even though the other person may have hurt you in many ways as well, this is not about that hurt.  This is about what you did, and bringing the other person’s flaws into it is a sign that true repentance has not happened.  Remember that we tend to maximize other’s flaws and minimize our own.  Real repentance recognizes and gives account for one’s own actions.  It really has nothing to do with circumstances or the other person’s flaws. It’s about turning away from the hurt we caused.  Often, true repentance brings about changes in the one who erred, but it also brings about changes in the person erred against as well.

Reconciliation is possible.  It is not, however, easy.  But by putting aside pride, recognizing the harm done and showing true repentance through your actions, you can rebuild the trust necessary for relationship reconciliation, often regardless of the wrong or the type of relationship if you’re willing to do the work.

by Angela S. Young
Source:  http://www.spiritualliving360.com/index.php/how-to-restore-relationships-through-repentance-and-reconciliation-3805/